Emotional Day

Sorry for hardly posting, but I don’t want to be one of those people that post’s for the sake of it, I’ll only post when I have something to post about.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me, it was the day I was supposed to have my operation, if things would have happened according to the original plan. I really didn’t think that it would affect me that emotionally, but it did. I had so many “what if’s” going through my head… what if I would have had the operation, etc?

It was bound to happen to be fair, it was supposed to be one of the biggest days of my life, it was a day that I was planning so long for, a day that in theory would have completed the process. So why didn’t it happen?

There wasn’t a chance that I could go through with it if there was doubts in my head about if it was what I wanted. I’ve said before that I would *never* go back to being a man, and I stand by that. But, why should I have an operation to validate who I am? Doing thing’s like that has never been the way that I’ve lived my life, so why should it be any different?

Social norms tell us that if you are transsexual, you must transition, then have a big major operation to change the outer parts of your body. No, this is completely wrong! For some people, that may be the way that they wish to go, and so they should. But for others, we don’t feel the need to take such a drastic course of action… I want to lead my life the way that I want it, and I want to have my body the way that I want it, I will not be pressurised by “social norms” to do things that I don’t actually want to do, and nobody should ever have to feel that way.

I am so glad that I saw that there was an alternative, and that the alternative was possible, before I ended up making the biggest mistake of my life, on what would have been the biggest day of my life. Again, I’ve said before that right now, I’m happy as I am, very happy, and I don’t need to change that!

But I still can’t help but wonder, what if…?

 

4 Comments

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4 Responses to “Emotional Day”
  1. Kira says:

    You have to do what you know in your heart is the best. No one else can live your life and they shouldn’t try.

    Unto your own self be true.

  2. Kevincm says:

    Life is full of “what if’s” my lovely. Only you in your heart know what you desire and how to get there.

    And I’m proud of you for being you x

  3. The biggest day in the life of any genetic girl is supposed to be her wedding day and it often happens that the bride-to-be realizes finally, at the last possible moment, that she is not getting married for herself and that she is doing it for everyone but herself. It is said that it takes real courage to reach that point and call the wedding off, yet I would not call her (or you) a heroine because doing what is in your best interest is not about courage, it is about doing what you need to do because it is in nobody’s best interest but your own. Deanna

  4. Lucy says:

    There is assumption that once your are “transitioning” you will follow the expected path to its logical conclusion. You know yourself better than anyone and if you decide to take the scenic route or pull up, then that’s your right.

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